I read a Carl Jung quote recently that said, “Life really does begin at 40. Up until then, you are just doing research.”
I’m resonating with this hard right now.
My 39th birthday is right around the corner! I feel like some really amazing things happened during the last 6 or 7 years because that’s when I started to take some real risks by surrendering to Source’s plan for me.
At the same time, I feel like I haven’t started.
I’ve been gathering experiences ( or “research”) and I feel like it’s only just becoming clear to me now the “why” of it all.
All of the pain, mistakes, heartaches, and lessons I’ve had along the way helped me gain the self-awareness to break my patterns and the toxic cycles of my ancestral bloodline.
In other words: ALL THE BULLSHIT ENDS WITH ME.
It’s been difficult and I know I’m nowhere near finished.
But now I know something I didn’t know before:
My pain is my purpose.
I can see how all the ways I’ve felt rejected, lost, confused, inferior, stupid, incapable, weird, or just plain unprepared for adult life in this backward society… have actually prepared me for my purpose.
For the gift that I will give to the world.
Everyone has a gift to give. There is so much untapped potential in people. And it’s because we don’t know who we are. We never got the chance to feel safe enough to find out, to express it, to develop our true talents and interests, and give our gifts of unique genius to the world.
So if no one ever told you this before:
WE NEED YOU.
We need you to make the world a better place in the unique way that you can.
It doesn’t matter if you don’t think you have a purpose or you don’t really make a difference. Even if you make a difference in one person’s life by making them smile, you’re doing good work.
Under The Mask
Growing up, I never felt safe letting anyone see who I really am because I felt so different from everyone around me. I was labeled “shy,” “so quiet,” and such a “good girl.”
Unseen and unheard.
I retracted inward and developed a rich inner world where I could really tap into myself. My connection with Source. And it was just for me. No one else could see it.
Being so profoundly misunderstood and unseen as a kid feels very lonely. I never felt like there was a place where I could express myself freely.
This was excruciatingly painful and alienating. To have so much inside that no one else can witness or validate. To be praised for surface-level things like how easy I was to “deal with” because I was people-pleasing in order to avoid rejection.
So what I was being praised for wasn’t actually me. I was being praised for the coping mechanisms I used to deal with pain and rejection. Of feeling like I didn’t belong.
I was praised for the mask I hid behind.
No wonder I kept it for so long.
Because of this, I never felt like I was allowed to develop my talents. Sure I could have hobbies, but I was warned, “You better find something practical to make you some money!”
There was a continual implied message behind everyone’s words and behaviors:
“Don’t be yourself.”
Be something we can be proud of. Don’t be authentic. Be something we value. Be what we tell you is a success.
I allowed myself to have my hidden interests and talents but would rarely let them out into the light of day because I’d get told, “you can’t do that professionally, you’ll never make money with that, you’re good but not good enough to make it in that industry, etc.”
So you deny and betray yourself.
And where does that get you?
For me, I can tell you it got me neither wealth nor happiness.
Looking back on that now it just looks like procrastination and conformity for approval.
I’m ready now.
I’m done with all the bullshit of waiting and asking for permission.
I don’t have to ask anyone’s permission when I know I’m being guided by Source Herself.
I say all of this to show you why my purpose is tied to my pain.
My purpose is to help others feel safe enough so that they can get to know themselves better, find their own talents, develop them, and then live to their full potential.
Something I never felt I could reach.
That’s how we make the world a better place:
Everyone living in their true purpose and giving the world their gifts that derive from their own developed unique genius!
Can you imagine!?
There are a lot of things in the way of us reaching our full potential. One of which is the current economic system.
If we are spending all of our time working jobs we hate and leaving no time for us to even figure out what it is we really want from life then how are we able to do this.
So much potential is lost through the time-suck of modern meaningless work.
I am not here shaming anyone for working to survive. It’s what we all have to do! That is the system we are in right now.
What I’m saying is, we need to become aware of how this is having a profoundly negative effect on ourselves (mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually, socially, and physically), on our loved ones, and on the earth itself.
This is the mindset of separation and fragmentation being played out on a monumental scale.
Whatever small way we can start to grow life in the cracks of this dead system, we should put our energy into that as much as we can.
Put aside some space and time for yourself every day. Even if it’s only 10 minutes. Do you have 10 minutes for just you?
If you don’t think so then I’m telling you to make some.
Don’t think of it as selfish. The world fucking needs you to show up right now.
We need your gifts.
I know you might not believe that you have anything to give but that’s only because of the story you were told. We were all told the same story! That’s the big joke!
No one feels worthy!
Free Your True Self
And yet we are all inherently worthy. We all have value. We all have our own unique genius.
It doesn’t matter if that genius is a medical discovery or it’s that you’re the best fricken cake decorator in your town and you bring joy to families and their celebrations of life!
We need to get out of our own way and let Source work through us in the only way it can through each different individual.
You are one tiny aspect of Source expressing itself.
Do you think you can stop Source?
If you try, you will experience pain.
Because your pain is your purpose.
Because you are blocking your True Self – your true gifts that yearn to be expressed. Blocking your True Self will only make you cranky at best.
And I know we’ve seen some pretty bad examples of the worst in people.
So really, you’re doing the world a favor when you take the time to connect with yourself, figure out what you want to give, and develop your gifts.
I Don’t Know
I don’t know how I’m going to fulfill my purpose exactly.
And I’m just beginning to realize that I don’t have to know!
I’m practicing being fine with that. My job is to remain aware and open to the small opportunities and synchronicities that happen and take action when I see or feel something that aligns with my purpose.
I just commit to my practice and keep following the signs.
Surrender and you’ll be fine.